Proverbs 10:11
Stay away from stupid and senseless arguments. These only lead to trouble, and God's servants must not be troublemakers. They must be kind to everyone, and they must be good teachers and very patient.
Scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991,1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.
Lately, it seems like I’ve had one stupid and senseless argument after another with my grandmother. And I admit, many of them are a direct result of my impatience. At almost 98 years of age, things in her world are changing rapidly, and everything I say is viewed as a direct challenge. But knowing when I should speak and when to keep quiet has been quite difficult… especially in recent years.
A few weeks ago, I was driving her to the beauty shop, and she was upset with me over something I had said. She told me, “Y’all never come to see me, so you don’t know anything about how I operate.” I began to remind her that someone – I, my husband, my sister … SOMEONE had been to visit her every day that week except one. She retorted, “No you haven’t!” As we got out of the car at the beauty shop, she said, “I’m frustrated,” and I told her, “I’m frustrated, too.” But I realized that arguing about this situation was not helping. Getting her to admit that someone – and often several “someones” - visits her every day was not going to make either of us feel any better.
It’s a lot like repeatedly telling Timothy he can’t touch the “pretties” that are his Aunt DebDeb’s… at some point, it is easier to put them in the closet or cabinet where he cannot reach them than to repeatedly argue over his touching them. And much the same can be said for our relationships with friends, family members and acquaintances. We have to “pick our battles,” and many of us often pick them poorly.
So we end up arguing or disagreeing over trivial, silly things that don’t matter. We get our feelings hurt over something that shouldn’t have been on our radar screen. We take things the wrong way and “make mountains out of molehills.” And all of this dishonors our role as God’s servants.
I know that my grandmother “pushes my buttons,” and she’s gotten really good at it. But I also know that I have to do better at exercising patience and holding my tongue. I must make prayerful decisions about when to speak up, and when to let something slide.
And this might be a good time for us to take stock of our lives and ask God to show us where to incorporate a lot of the lessons of these recent devos in order to serve Him better. Where and how do we need to distance ourselves from “friends” and acquaintances – and even family members – who “push our buttons?” If you can’t seem to keep from arguing with someone, then maybe you need to evaluate the time you spend with that person and see if you can make adjustments that help limit opportunities for conflict.
How can you incorporate prayer and communion with God to help diffuse troublesome situations before they even begin? Are you calling on God to guard your comments for you – to give you the right words (and the right tone of voice) to speak to others? Are you asking Him to hold your tongue when unpleasant, or argument-provoking thoughts dare to spill out in the form of a sentence? Who can mentor you in these situations? Have you asked God to direct you to wise, experienced counsel who can help you diffuse troublesome relationships – or those that have the potential for such trouble?
This is a very hard scripture passage for me to discuss, because I know I often act out of impatience… especially with my grandmother. I don’t mean to be unkind – or to argue. And sometimes, a confrontation over something like asking her to give up cooking on her stove, so that she is safe and doesn’t get burned, is inevitably going to lead to a heated discussion, at best. But there are plenty of times when I could let things go and avoid the argument… and I am working on doing so. As I’ve said many times, “I am a work in progress,” and I am grateful that we serve such a patient God will not give up on me – or any of us, if we seek His help.
Where do you need help today? Who – or what – is “pushing your buttons” and causing you to instigate needless trouble? Let’s be honest… all of this is the work of the devil, and it makes me furious to think he gets even a second of satisfaction out of my actions. So let’s agree today to keep in constant contact with God… and ask Him to guide our thoughts, our words, and our deeds. Let’s ask God to help us learn when the argument is worth it… and when we’re being stupid and senseless. Let’s pray for HUGE doses of patience and kindness… and the wisdom to be honorable servants who avoid stirring up trouble. And let’s be smart and sensible in our daily living.
©2010 Debbie Robus
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