Proverbs 20:3
It makes you look good when you avoid a fight — only fools love to quarrel.
Scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991,1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.
It seems that everybody has that one family member who likes to pick on kids. Sometimes it’s an ornery uncle or grandpa… as was my mother’s experience. Her great-grandfather used a cane, and he liked to “hook” little kids with it. He thought it was funny… my mother did not! I had a similar experience that has stuck with me to this day.
When I was about nine, I went home one weekend with a classmate to spend time on her family’s farm. She lived “out in the country”, and we rode the bus to her house. My friend had an older brother and sister. Her brother was probably thirteen or fourteen, and his cousin who was about the same age was visiting the same weekend as I was. The two boys decided it would be fun to tie up my friend and me out in the yard with some baling twine. My friend was laughing and thought it was funny. I didn’t like it one bit.
It might help you to know that I am incredibly claustrophobic… the result of a visit to the hospital when I was two for my stomach to be pumped after I drank rubbing alcohol. The doctors and nurses wrapped me tightly in a bed sheet and pushed a tube down my nose to pump out any residual liquid. To this day, I am not a fan of tight clothing, tight places… or even the thought of things that bind. So being tied up and unable to get free was torture for me.
To add insult to injury, these boys produced a pocketknife and threatened us. They were having such a good time with their taunting… they thought they were so clever. But my friend did not find this quite as funny, and she gave them “what-for” and began to scream for her mother. We were quickly released… no worse for the wear. But to this day, I cannot shake the feeling of fear that I had whenever I think of that incident… and it colored my opinion of those two boys forever. I don’t remember ever going home with that friend again… over time, we grew apart and developed different circles of acquaintances.
In some way or another, a lot of us are like these teenage boys or the ornery grandpa. We mean well enough… we are just teasing and/or having a little fun…but we are anything but funny! Here’s a news flash… little kids don’t like to be picked on by adults! They don’t like it when you poke at them or give them “wet willies”. They don’t like to be badgered or taunted… and honestly, their moms don’t like it either! They have to “mop up” and deal with ornery kids afterward… or smooth hurt feelings. And adults feel much the same way about being antagonized.
My friend’s brother and cousin were not bad people… and you probably aren’t either. You just are not thinking about your words and actions. You may not even realize that you are opening the door for a quarrel or some sort of “unrest”. You certainly may not understand that your behavior could have long-term ramifications… cause lifelong hard feelings or uneasiness – or even ruin a friendship or other relationship.
This is a call for all of us to think before we speak and act. If you have a strong urge to retaliate for something another has said or done… this might be just the sign that you need to respond in exactly the opposite manner. If you are unsure what to do, take a breath and step back… ask God to guide your words and your actions… and tread lightly! I guess there are actually a few people who enjoy a good quarrel… but I’m not one of them. When you consider the potential consequences, I can’t imagine that it’s really worth the risk… and I’m not sure that God would be very pleased, either.
So focus on creating peace… for yourself and for others. Choose a path that avoids confrontation whenever possible, and do all you can to avoid a quarrel. And for goodness sake… figure out another way to relate to people besides picking on them! Everyone involved will be better for it.
©2013 Debbie Robus
Showing posts with label avoiding conflict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label avoiding conflict. Show all posts
Daily Devotional for August 10, 2013
Proverbs 17:1
Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting—and conflict.
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
The older I get, the less I like crowds. And I’ll be honest, there a lots of times when I return home from an event or a gathering and collapse into a chair with a heavy sigh of relief that I am back in the quiet and stillness of our home… just me, my husband, and our two cats! A friend posted a quote on Pinterest that essentially said, “I asked God to protect me from my enemies… and I started losing friends.” As I read this scripture verse, I thought about this quote and some of the situations in which I have placed myself over the years… groups where gossip and backbiting was the rule of the day… events where there was a lot of controversial and disingenuous conversation… and “friendships” where really all we did was enable each other in some way – wallowing in grief, misery, self-pity, or negativity.
I knew these relationships robbed me of a feeling of peace. In fact, some of them left me feeling downright lousy afterward. It’s no fun to spend what is supposed to be a festive evening with friends… only to come home feeling depressed and unsettled! It took me longer than it should have to figure out that I needed to bite the bullet and distance myself from some of these people and circumstances… or maybe I finally “let go and let God” – and as He protected me from my “enemies” I lost a few “friends” in the bargain!
Don’t misunderstand me. I am not telling you to start ending relationships with friends or family members who don’t always agree with you or occasionally make you feel uncomfortable in some way. God places difficult people and challenging circumstances in our midst for a reason. But if you feel that your associations and participations in certain circles and/or activities is causing you to continually feel unsettled, maybe you need to ask God to show you if this is something you should rethink. If you are feeling uncomfortable, discouraged, or disgusted more often than you feel a sense of peace, perhaps you need to ask God to show you whether your involvement in a particular activity or relationship is right for you.
Sometimes, in order to find God’s peace, we have to lose whatever is blocking it. This doesn’t mean we can be unkind or unloving toward those who drag us down. This is not a license to criticize other people or activities. But we have to know when to say, “This is not right for me. This is not bringing me a sense of peace.” If we listen to God and truly seek His peace in our lives, He will show us when to step aside. We may have to redefine our relationship with others… or we may have to take an extended breather. And there may be a few activities and acquaintances that have to go… permanently!
If we really want God’s peace, we have to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get it. Sometimes that means “dining at home alone” rather than “going out with the crew.” What about you… do you have God’s peace and quiet in your everyday life? Are you ready to do what it takes to get it?
©2013 Debbie Robus
Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting—and conflict.
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
The older I get, the less I like crowds. And I’ll be honest, there a lots of times when I return home from an event or a gathering and collapse into a chair with a heavy sigh of relief that I am back in the quiet and stillness of our home… just me, my husband, and our two cats! A friend posted a quote on Pinterest that essentially said, “I asked God to protect me from my enemies… and I started losing friends.” As I read this scripture verse, I thought about this quote and some of the situations in which I have placed myself over the years… groups where gossip and backbiting was the rule of the day… events where there was a lot of controversial and disingenuous conversation… and “friendships” where really all we did was enable each other in some way – wallowing in grief, misery, self-pity, or negativity.
I knew these relationships robbed me of a feeling of peace. In fact, some of them left me feeling downright lousy afterward. It’s no fun to spend what is supposed to be a festive evening with friends… only to come home feeling depressed and unsettled! It took me longer than it should have to figure out that I needed to bite the bullet and distance myself from some of these people and circumstances… or maybe I finally “let go and let God” – and as He protected me from my “enemies” I lost a few “friends” in the bargain!
Don’t misunderstand me. I am not telling you to start ending relationships with friends or family members who don’t always agree with you or occasionally make you feel uncomfortable in some way. God places difficult people and challenging circumstances in our midst for a reason. But if you feel that your associations and participations in certain circles and/or activities is causing you to continually feel unsettled, maybe you need to ask God to show you if this is something you should rethink. If you are feeling uncomfortable, discouraged, or disgusted more often than you feel a sense of peace, perhaps you need to ask God to show you whether your involvement in a particular activity or relationship is right for you.
Sometimes, in order to find God’s peace, we have to lose whatever is blocking it. This doesn’t mean we can be unkind or unloving toward those who drag us down. This is not a license to criticize other people or activities. But we have to know when to say, “This is not right for me. This is not bringing me a sense of peace.” If we listen to God and truly seek His peace in our lives, He will show us when to step aside. We may have to redefine our relationship with others… or we may have to take an extended breather. And there may be a few activities and acquaintances that have to go… permanently!
If we really want God’s peace, we have to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get it. Sometimes that means “dining at home alone” rather than “going out with the crew.” What about you… do you have God’s peace and quiet in your everyday life? Are you ready to do what it takes to get it?
©2013 Debbie Robus
Daily Devotional for July 5, 2011
Proverbs 22:4
When you see trouble coming, don't be stupid and walk right into it-- be smart and hide.
Scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991,1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.
I was returning home from a trip to the grocery store, and I came upon a car wreck. Emergency personnel were on the scene - attending to those who were injured and clearing the debris - and traffic was at a standstill. There was nowhere to turn off the road… no side routes for a detour… so I had to sit in the line of traffic and wait for a deputy to signal that I could proceed forward and past the collision area.
When something like this happens, some people stupidly turn and head directly toward the accident scene… we sometimes call them “rubberneckers.” They enjoy seeing the trouble of others. Others simply are not paying attention. They heard sirens… they saw ambulances, police cars, and fire trucks whiz past them… yet they forged ahead and drove right into the heart of the chaos and found themselves caught up in it. Still others sometimes unwittingly end up in troublesome situations, through no fault of their own.
There are lots of situations that fall somewhere between the rubberneckers and those who are not paying attention. Many of us get involved in things that are none of our business… or we end up “in the wrong place at the wrong time.” We become embroiled in others’ arguments and drama… we find ourselves in the car with someone who is drinking - or covering for someone in a lie… we interject our own feelings and opinions and make a bad situation much worse.
We all have our “moments,” but God wants us to be awake and alert… and seeking His will and guidance at all times. He can help us avoid many of the “minefields” of life… the troublesome situations in which we do not – or should not – have a part! He helps us look for side roads and detours to take in order to bypass direct involvement in a collision or conflict.
How do you handle trouble… or the potential for a troubling situation? Do you ask God to guide your steps, or do you drive blindly forward and “let the chips fall where they may”? Are you seeking the guidance and wisdom of The One who can help you live in harmony… and bring glory and honor to His name? Isn’t it about time you did?
©2011 Debbie Robus
When you see trouble coming, don't be stupid and walk right into it-- be smart and hide.
Scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991,1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.
I was returning home from a trip to the grocery store, and I came upon a car wreck. Emergency personnel were on the scene - attending to those who were injured and clearing the debris - and traffic was at a standstill. There was nowhere to turn off the road… no side routes for a detour… so I had to sit in the line of traffic and wait for a deputy to signal that I could proceed forward and past the collision area.
When something like this happens, some people stupidly turn and head directly toward the accident scene… we sometimes call them “rubberneckers.” They enjoy seeing the trouble of others. Others simply are not paying attention. They heard sirens… they saw ambulances, police cars, and fire trucks whiz past them… yet they forged ahead and drove right into the heart of the chaos and found themselves caught up in it. Still others sometimes unwittingly end up in troublesome situations, through no fault of their own.
There are lots of situations that fall somewhere between the rubberneckers and those who are not paying attention. Many of us get involved in things that are none of our business… or we end up “in the wrong place at the wrong time.” We become embroiled in others’ arguments and drama… we find ourselves in the car with someone who is drinking - or covering for someone in a lie… we interject our own feelings and opinions and make a bad situation much worse.
We all have our “moments,” but God wants us to be awake and alert… and seeking His will and guidance at all times. He can help us avoid many of the “minefields” of life… the troublesome situations in which we do not – or should not – have a part! He helps us look for side roads and detours to take in order to bypass direct involvement in a collision or conflict.
How do you handle trouble… or the potential for a troubling situation? Do you ask God to guide your steps, or do you drive blindly forward and “let the chips fall where they may”? Are you seeking the guidance and wisdom of The One who can help you live in harmony… and bring glory and honor to His name? Isn’t it about time you did?
©2011 Debbie Robus
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