Proverbs 20:3
It makes you look good when you avoid a fight — only fools love to quarrel.
Scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991,1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.
It seems that everybody has that one family member who likes to pick on kids. Sometimes it’s an ornery uncle or grandpa… as was my mother’s experience. Her great-grandfather used a cane, and he liked to “hook” little kids with it. He thought it was funny… my mother did not! I had a similar experience that has stuck with me to this day.
When I was about nine, I went home one weekend with a classmate to spend time on her family’s farm. She lived “out in the country”, and we rode the bus to her house. My friend had an older brother and sister. Her brother was probably thirteen or fourteen, and his cousin who was about the same age was visiting the same weekend as I was. The two boys decided it would be fun to tie up my friend and me out in the yard with some baling twine. My friend was laughing and thought it was funny. I didn’t like it one bit.
It might help you to know that I am incredibly claustrophobic… the result of a visit to the hospital when I was two for my stomach to be pumped after I drank rubbing alcohol. The doctors and nurses wrapped me tightly in a bed sheet and pushed a tube down my nose to pump out any residual liquid. To this day, I am not a fan of tight clothing, tight places… or even the thought of things that bind. So being tied up and unable to get free was torture for me.
To add insult to injury, these boys produced a pocketknife and threatened us. They were having such a good time with their taunting… they thought they were so clever. But my friend did not find this quite as funny, and she gave them “what-for” and began to scream for her mother. We were quickly released… no worse for the wear. But to this day, I cannot shake the feeling of fear that I had whenever I think of that incident… and it colored my opinion of those two boys forever. I don’t remember ever going home with that friend again… over time, we grew apart and developed different circles of acquaintances.
In some way or another, a lot of us are like these teenage boys or the ornery grandpa. We mean well enough… we are just teasing and/or having a little fun…but we are anything but funny! Here’s a news flash… little kids don’t like to be picked on by adults! They don’t like it when you poke at them or give them “wet willies”. They don’t like to be badgered or taunted… and honestly, their moms don’t like it either! They have to “mop up” and deal with ornery kids afterward… or smooth hurt feelings. And adults feel much the same way about being antagonized.
My friend’s brother and cousin were not bad people… and you probably aren’t either. You just are not thinking about your words and actions. You may not even realize that you are opening the door for a quarrel or some sort of “unrest”. You certainly may not understand that your behavior could have long-term ramifications… cause lifelong hard feelings or uneasiness – or even ruin a friendship or other relationship.
This is a call for all of us to think before we speak and act. If you have a strong urge to retaliate for something another has said or done… this might be just the sign that you need to respond in exactly the opposite manner. If you are unsure what to do, take a breath and step back… ask God to guide your words and your actions… and tread lightly! I guess there are actually a few people who enjoy a good quarrel… but I’m not one of them. When you consider the potential consequences, I can’t imagine that it’s really worth the risk… and I’m not sure that God would be very pleased, either.
So focus on creating peace… for yourself and for others. Choose a path that avoids confrontation whenever possible, and do all you can to avoid a quarrel. And for goodness sake… figure out another way to relate to people besides picking on them! Everyone involved will be better for it.
©2013 Debbie Robus
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