Proverbs 16
27 An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire.
28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
29 A violent man enticeth his neighbour, and leadeth him into the way that is not good.
30 He shutteth his eyes to devise froward things: moving his lips he bringeth evil to pass.
31 The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.
32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
33 The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD.
(Scripture taken from the King James Version, 1987 printing. The KJV is public domain in the United States. To read this passage from The Message, go to www.biblegateway.com and do a passage lookup.)
Do you know what a hoary head is? That is a head full of gray hair! And this passage says it is “a crown of glory… found in the way of righteousness.” Does this mean that all people who have gray hair are righteous? Absolutely not! If you go back and read the scriptures before and after verse 31, you will see that we are being told not to be gossips, mean spirited, or people who stir up trouble. The righteous person is slow to anger and in control of his/her emotions. And the Bible tells us that people who control their emotions quite often live well into old age!
I know it’s hard. I know we all have moments when we snap at our friends and family members, and most certainly our spouses and our parents. I can tell you from my own experience that controlling your emotions can greatly reduce your stress level and probably extend your life! I am my grandmother’s primary caregiver. As anyone who spends a lot of time with elderly people can tell you, they have their own ideas and opinions about how things should be! And as I’ve shared with you already, my grandmother has certainly grown in wisdom and experiences in her nearly 95 years of living. But she also knows how to push my buttons!
I hear this all the time from others who are assisting an elderly family member or friend. “No matter how much you visit, they want you to come more often,” they will tell me, or “I never do anything the way they want it done, and boy do I hear about it!” Or, “I had to tell Dad he can’t drive any more, and he hit the roof!” or “Grandma has had to go to a nursing home, and man, is she ever mad at me for it – as if it were MY fault!” I wrestled with trying to please my grandmother and satisfy her every request for quite some time. I found myself frequently frustrated, if not angry, and very tempted to say things I would regret. It wasn’t that I was mad at my grandmother, but I was frustrated with our situation. And increasingly, it was difficult to hold my tongue.
Finally, in total desperation, I e-mailed my pastor. “I don’t know what to do,” I told him. “I am struggling to overcome bitterness and anger.” His reply was that I needed to set limits. Decide what I would and would not be responsible for, and learn to say “No” to the rest. He reminded me that “No!” is a complete sentence! I took my pastor’s advice to heart, knowing he is a trusted friend who would not advise lightly. And it has served me well. Setting limits has allowed me to get a handle on my emotions… and to hold my tongue! It was as if a cloud has lifted from me and I have felt the anger and bitterness dissolve. Oh, sure, I still get upset once in awhile, but I see things more clearly now that I have taken a step back. And you know what? The gray hair just keeps sprouting on my head! Maybe there really IS something to this? I certainly don’t consider myself righteous, but I am working every day to improve… and as verse 33 tells us, God will decide how well I’m doing!
©2007 Debbie Robus
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