1 Thessalonians 5:15
And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.
Scripture quotations from The Message. © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO. All rights reserved.
My cousin recommended a book to me that was written by Christian speaker and author Lysa Terkeurst, titled Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions. Terkeurst begins the book by describing an incident in which she stepped out of her shower to discover that there were no clean towels. She knew her daughters liked the thick thirsty towels she and her husband kept in their master bath, and she immediately assumed that the girls had used their shower and helped themselves to the towels. So she went on a rampage… the girls were told to never, never, ever use her bathroom shower – or her towels – again! She later learned that her son was responsible for the missing towels, and she lay in bed that night rehashing her earlier outburst – and feeling guilty and ashamed.
Terkeurst explains explosive outbursts (or snapping at each other) as something we often regret… something that feels good in the moment - but terrible afterward. We then operate in shame – for ourselves or others… or we stuff our feelings and build walls around them. Sometimes those “walls” become more like fortresses! Some of us are “stuffers” who push down our emotions and reactions initially… then deal with the ramifications later (often rather poorly)! The author shares about an airline employee who snapped at her over a piece of lost luggage. Terkeurst did not raise her voice or “snap” at the employee per se, but she got her point across with a rather sharp comment that she later regretted. I’ve done this myself… haven’t you?
So what do we do about this? The author maintains that our regret signals awareness that this is not Godly behavior and can open the door for us to do better as we move forward. We are not necessarily bad people because of our outbursts… but this type of conduct is not what God desires for us. God does not want His disciples to go through life with their feelings on their sleeves… or “letting it all hang out!” But we are all human – and imperfect… so He stands ready to offer us with grace when we fall short.
Is this a license to snap at others and tell them how you really feel… to let your displeasure and/or disapproval be readily known whenever a situation arises? Absolutely not! But God wants us to realize that He loves us even when we are unlovely or misbehave. And that is the point… we are to extend this same grace to others… to look for their best and always do what we can to bring this out in them. We find peace when we operate in grace… when we strive to be more like our Heavenly Father.
I am right there with this author… when I say something unkind or offer a quick retort, I tend to beat myself up and feel terrible – even if I apologized to the other person. This is not who I am… who I want to be. Like her, I think of Godly people I know and tell myself, “So-and-so would never do that!” What I need to do instead is to use these opportunities to remind myself how much I need continual dialogue with God… how much I need to call on God for the ability to do better. I need to be more aware of my quick retorts and sharp comebacks… and I need to thank God for the grace He extends when I falter.
We are all works in progress. God is looking for forward advancement… disciples who continually seek Him and call on Him to extend grace… to them – and through them to others in their path. Are you paying attention to your words and actions? Are you operating in God’s grace? Do you have His peace and contentment in your life? Aren’t you ready for a hefty dose? Study this passage and the verses that surround it. You might even want to pick up a copy of Unglued for yourself! But learn to operate in God’s peace and ditch the snappy comebacks. Everyone will be better for your efforts!
©2013 Debbie Robus
Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst~©2012 Zondervan Press
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