Titus 3:10-11
Warn troublemakers once or twice. Then
don’t have anything else to do with them. You know that their minds are
twisted, and their own sins show how guilty they are.
Scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991,1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.
Who
knew that “Assertive Discipline” was biblical?! Ever since I was a
kindergarten teacher in the 1980s, I have favored this method of
reinforcing good behavior…but having clear and distinct boundaries and
consequences for improper actions. Today, I use the “1-2-3” counting
system with our little ones, and they totally “get” that they do not
want to hear me say “THREE!” This will result in a “time out,” missed
activities and fun, or the loss of a privilege or treat.
In
Timothy’s kindergarten classroom, the teacher uses a “color system” that
marks whether behaviors are acceptable, outstanding…or unacceptable.
There is even a “warning” color. Timothy has told us that he and his
classmates are sometimes given a chance to “turn things around” and
“clip up” to a higher/more acceptable color. And a string of days with
good “colors” results in a trip to the “treasure chest” to select a
prize.
We try to be careful to recognize GOOD behavior often -
with plenty of praise to reinforce it. The children have “earned” all
kinds of prizes for accruing consistent stretches of time where they
followed the rules and made good choices. Some insist that this amounts
to bribery. But let’s be honest – in every area of life, good choices
and actions bring rewards, while troublemakers who make bad decisions
will suffer consequences!
So as we apply these principles to our
“grown-up” relationships with others, we see that there are times when
we must distance ourselves from “friends” and fellow believers. If
someone will not stop making derogatory remarks on social media, despite
gentle reminders to “keep it clean and kind,” it is okay to “unfriend”
or block them – or at the very least, to “unfollow” their posts. More
than once, I have had to message someone who repeatedly included me in
e-mail messages that perpetuated false rumors and viewpoints -and
suggest (or warn) that I did not endorse this. If these persons
continued to include me in their missives, I blocked them.
Is it
hard to do this? You bet! It’s also hard to put our little ones in
“time out” or “clip them down” to a “bad” color…not just because they
sometimes go “kicking and screaming,” but because it’s human nature to
say, “Okay…I’ll give you one more chance.” This often leads to
another…and another…and nothing gets resolved in the end. Sometimes,
Christians have to do the hard things in the spirit of obedience and
faithfulness. And choosing to distance ourselves from someone who
persists in sin and troublemaking is often necessary.
Don’t
misunderstand me…this does not mean that you stop caring. We must pray
for these persons…love them as Jesus loves us…wish them well and show
genuine concern for their well-being. But we must do so from a
distance…believing that Jesus will stand in the gap and make the
difference. And just as we “reward” small children and recognize their
positive words and actions, we must be sure to do this with our
“grown-up” friends and acquaintances, also.
Notice the
positives…be kind and approachable (within reason)…and share the
unconditional love of Jesus. There is truth to the adage…”love the
sinner, hate the sin.” This is a truly difficult thing to do
sometimes…but God will strengthen you. Jesus has told us to love our
“enemies” and pray for them. But we don’t have to make them our BFFs!
People
are watching…and our demonstration of faithfulness in this manner will
be duly noted. Ask God to show you how – and when – to administer a
“time out” to troublemakers. And ask Him to show these folks how to
correct their mistakes and “clip up” to a better version of themselves.
With God, all things really ARE possible!
©2015 Debbie Robus
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