Matthew 7:1-2
“Don’t pick on people, jump on
their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the
same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.
Scripture
quotations from The Message. © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002
by Eugene Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress, Colorado Springs,
CO. All rights reserved.
When
I was caring for my Mam-ma Polly, there were plenty of people who
wanted to give me advice. One night, Mam-ma got out of bed to adjust
the air conditioner unit in her Assisted Living apartment, and she
tripped over the bedspread and fell. The result was a broken femur near
the hip socket. As she lay in bed after surgery, unable to even put a
sentence together…much less stand or even sit up – we made the decision
to place her on Hospice care. Mam-ma was 99 years young at the time,
and the therapy in a nursing home to try to rehabilitate her seemed torturous and futile.
The
orthopedic surgeon came for a follow-up visit and mentioned “rehab,”
and I explained why we were not doing this. At first, he seemed
surprised, but as I described the situation, he softened. We had not
come to this decision lightly…the nurses and therapists had all agreed
that my grandmother did not seem to be a likely candidate to walk again.
Mam-ma
returned to her apartment, where she lived to the age of 100 years and
123 days. She managed to rehabilitate herself to the point that she
could pedal around in a wheelchair (and occasionally walk herself to the
bathroom when no one was looking!)…but for all practical purposes, she
did not walk again. I still believe that this was the best decision for
her…and one of many options that “outsiders” criticized as we navigated
the “senior aging” journey together.
It’s easy to be
critical…until it happens to you. I’ve had many people tell me, “I just
had no idea what all is involved (in caring for elderly persons).” My
mother wrote a book about caring for her own parents as they aged (When Heads and Hearts Collide),
and everyone who reads it asks, “How did she know what I was
experiencing?” It’s as if she wrote it just for them. Many of those
who criticized how she handled things have had to eat their words as it happened to them!
Here’s
the thing…none of us is perfect. I know I made mistakes in caring for
my grandmother…and my mother said more than once that she would have
done some things differently, given a “do-over.” But when we criticize
or berate others, we are saying, “I am better than you” …or even “I
could have done better!” We may think we are helping…but often, our
comments are thinly veiled attempts to put down another person and build
up ourselves. And God is not amused.
We often fail to recognize
how hurtful criticism, nagging, or disparaging treatment is until
someone does it to us. So before YOU get hurt – or hurt someone else -
take a mental walk in the other guy’s shoes. You don’t have to try to
figure out WHY someone behaves a certain way…or what they could have
done differently. You just have to love them with the love of
Christ…and leave the judgment to God.
Don’t be guilty of thinking
more highly of yourself and your opinions than you ought. Prayerfully
ask God to guide your thoughts, words and actions. Be known as someone
who leaves the judging to God and loves people right where they are…and
hopefully they will do the same for you.
©2016 Debbie Robus
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