Jesus knew they were dying to ask him what he meant, so he said, “Are you trying to figure out among yourselves what I meant when I said, ‘In a day or so you’re not going to see me, but then in another day or so you will see me’? Then fix this firmly in your minds: You’re going to be in deep mourning while the godless world throws a party. You’ll be sad, very sad, but your sadness will develop into gladness.
Scripture quotations from The Message. © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO. All rights reserved.
My sister-in-law mailed me a book about grief, Experiencing Grief* by H. Norman Wright, and I began reading it last night. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of grief…I’ve lost my dad, my brother, my father-in-law, all of my grandparents – including my grandmother who was like a mother - beloved pets, and dear friends. But none of this prepared me for losing my own mother – particularly when coupled with the sudden death of Greg’s brother a few days earlier. I find that my grief comes in waves…I am sometimes okay for several hours in a row – or even a full day or two. And then something triggers the release, and I am overwhelmed. This book is helping me to process my thoughts and feelings.
I tried to get back to my “routine” this week…including my workouts at the local Aquatic Center. I had to admit that I was not ready to go back to the pool – a place I sometimes saw my mother and even shared a workout. Both Greg and I find that we are not quite ready to be around people…particularly in group settings, like church, local sporting events - and most certainly funerals. Two friends of ours also lost their mothers this week. I sent cards and messages of condolence and encouragement, but that was all that I could muster for now. We have strategically planned trips to the grocery store and other public places at times when we hope there will not be a lot of people around.
At the same time, we don’t want people to avoid or ignore us. It’s okay to hug me if you see me…just know that I might cry! Please don’t hesitate to ask, “How are you doing?” or to say, “I’m so sorry for what you are going through.” We need to know that others care. We just need to be able to feel whatever we are feeling in the moment without concern that others will be upset or become uncomfortable.
Why am I sharing this with you in a “devotional?” Grief comes to all of us. If you have not experienced the loss of a loved one yet, you will at some point. I want you to know that it is okay to feel your grief. Even Jesus told His disciples that they would be very sad…but that in time, the sadness would give way to joy. God understands our grief. He grieves with us…He is sad when His children are hurting. But He comforts us and brings us through the grief, if we will allow Him to do so. And this may involve a season of sadness, crying and dealing with our pain.
I also want to speak to you as a “comforter” of others. Don’t be afraid to approach those who are grieving…to speak of their departed loved one…to offer a hug and a smile and a kind word. I remember distinctly thinking when my dad and brother were both ill that the whole world was going on around me, and it was like I was on some carnival ride from which I could not depart. Don’t isolate others even more because you feel uncomfortable or fear saying/doing the wrong thing. Be brief, but do acknowledge those who are grieving. This, too, is part of what Jesus was talking about. He always encouraged His followers to “love one another”…and comfort in times of grief represents a tremendous expression of the love of Christ.
The GOOD NEWS is that joy does come again for those of us who trust Jesus. He has promised it is so. I know that my mother and Greg’s brother now both sit at the Heavenly table…that they bask in the continual glow of Jesus’ presence and haven’t a care in the world. All of the things that make up the “worries and concerns” of our days hold absolutely no significance for them. And someday, we will join them. This is my hope…my prayer…my reason to find joy in these days.
Someday, I will also sit face-to-face with Jesus…alongside all of those I love who are already there. I have God’s permission to miss them now…for as long as it takes for me to heal. My job is to live for Him every minute I am on this earth…to minister to others who are also grieving and in need…and to remind us all that “sadness will develop into gladness.” This is your job, too…how well are you doing?
©2016 Debbie Robus
*Experiencing Grief ~ ©2004 by H. Norman
Wright ~ B&H Publishing Group
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